01Nov 2021
When somebody you know dies, it seems only natural to reach out to the family of the deceased and have flowers delivered to send your condolences. You may even want to send flowers by post to the funeral home in time for the service. However, in some cultures and religions, receiving flowers is not a thoughtful gesture and can actually be seen as disrespectful. One such religion that does not include flowers in their mourning rituals is Judaism. Learn more about flowers and the Jewish mourning traditions and know when it is appropriate to gift flowers and what else you can do to give your respects during mourning.
In contrast with other cultures, a Jewish funeral doesn’t usually include flowers. Whereas many would see the inclusion of flowers as a sign of respect and a way to say goodbye, this isn’t the case in Jewish funerals. There are some within the Jewish community that believe that the life cycle of flowers should not be abruptly stopped for a funeral.
In Judaism, funerals should take place within 24 hours of death. This is not always possible, but the family will try to keep to this tradition whenever possible. The service marks the beginning of Shiva, which is seven days of mourning. During this mourning period, the family will sit and pray for the deceased. People are welcome to join the family as they pray during this time, but gifts of flowers or letter tributes should not be given. During this time, the family are expected to shun all celebrations of life, which can include putting on make-up and dressing extravagantly. When the death occurs, all mirrors in the home will be covered, which reminds the mourners that the period of mourning is not about themselves but about the person who has died.
Giving flowers after shiva
Instead of flowers, it is acceptable to provide comfort and support in other ways during the mourning period. The family may be grateful for offerings of food during their mourning and fruit baskets are a common gift to present after the initial mourning. Should you want to give flowers, wait until Shiva has ceased, and it would even be appropriate to wait a month before you organise flowers via your florist. If you decide to send flowers after the mourning period, select a modest bouquet rather than something ostentatious. With Jewish funerals, you won’t need to be concerned with booking a same day flower delivery or next day flower delivery as you can book the flowers far in advance to ensure they don’t arrive during the period of mourning. Many flower shops may also be able to refer you to suitable bouquets or plants that would be suitable. Sometimes a family will request that instead of gifts to themselves, that mourners, colleagues, and friends of the deceased give donations to the deceased’s favourite charity.
Attending shiva
Although at first, it is the immediate family that is mourning the death of their loved one, calling in to show your respects is a welcome custom. You may find it difficult at first not to be bringing flowers or flower wreaths to the shiva, but your presence shows plenty of respect to the deceased’s family. Although flowers do not feature in Jewish funerals, there are many other ways you can show your respect. If bringing food gifts, it is essential that you check the dietary preferences of the family as they may be orthodox and therefore only eat kosher products. Before attending, ensure you check if designated times have been given for guests to visit. Even after Shiva, the family can mourn officially for a month, or even up to a year.
